So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
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As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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