How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
