I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
