I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
