i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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