he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
