whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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