I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
