I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
