Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My penis needs a shock collar
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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