She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
