are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
babies were throwing up all over the place
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize