Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
