Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
