isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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