:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I would ride that face into the sunset
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
