New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
