you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
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You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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