I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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