This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
