your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
