Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
