She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
