my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
