The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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