cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We need a shit load of segways right now
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
