just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
