Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
