Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
