he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
