The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
