she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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