1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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