So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
