All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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