If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
