OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I will pee on everything he values.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
