My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
