yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
