My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
