"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just pynch a tree in the face
Ketchup is God's man juice
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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