it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
