I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
