The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
