How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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