He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
