His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
