Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
