I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
