I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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