508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
