Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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