went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
