He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
