I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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