I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
