who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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