He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
