WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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