Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
