the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
