just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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