yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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