Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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