I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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