I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
