she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
