i jhust puked up my retainher.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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