i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
