I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
