Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
