Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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