pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
